Cupid Criteria

So there are some basic criteria that possible suitors need to meet as well as some basic criteria that instantly excludes them from being possible dates... and some criteria that gets them instantly blocked.

Note: this is all my personal preference based on the generalizations I've made about various groups of people, my interactions with people, previous male encounters, and me just being a beezy so if I come across a bit judgmental... it is well... because I am judgmental... but don't they always say it's good to be picky?


Basic Criteria for a potential suitor:

1. they are male (yes I have gotten a message from a girl she said she liked my smile and I did kind of like it but not that much)

2. they graduated college or have some sort of respectable job/excuse for not attending college: basically I went to college and I would like someone that can relate to my experiences as well as can hold an intellectual conversation

3. they have a witty/funny/sweet message that is specific to my profile: I don't want no guy that has sent a message to every girl on OKcupid.  I need to know he took the time to read my profile because it is awesome and deserves to be read multiple times.

4. they are at least 23: I work on a college campus if I wanted to deal with freshly anointed 21-year-olds I'd spend my days lurking around the university center

5. They have decent pics where I can see they're face and I think they are cute:  so this combines a few but basically I think it's a red flag if you can't tell what they look like from their pics... pretty much guarantees they aren't the prettiest and I don't really like the fact that they are not comfortable enough to just put their face out there... only way to overcome is if they have pics of them doing totally awesome things like fighting dragons.  And of course I think there is still something to be said about the importance of some physical attraction so if I don't think they look like someone I'd like I can't help it or can I?  This makes me shallow and I think I have come to terms with that... but if I am going to meet strangers online they might as well be cute ones at least



Disqualification from the dating pool:

1. they have kids: I love kids but am way too into myself to date someone that has them

2. they are over the age of 28: I  am trying to be realistic and given my current life position I probably would not be well suited for someone who is older than 28 and has their life a little more together not that all people over 28 do but gotta draw the line somewhere.  also as I state in my profile anyone over the age of 35 should really be paying for their online dating

3. they are younger than 23: I have already dealt with plenty of boys around the age of 21 when I was that age and they basically suck so I suspect these ones will too

4. they are still in college for their first degree:  I am on a different life track than that of the first-time college student so it just wouldn't work schedule wise... I have pretty much accepted that I can no longer go out on Thursday like I did in college and dating someone who can would just make me feel super lame... which I already do

5. they are in the military: no I do not want to get married ASAP nor do I want to be your one night stand or the girl you are creepily hitting on... I can just go to the local bars to find those guys... yes I know this is a generalization but most of my interactions with guys in the military looking for girls have not been pleasant... they would have to be a higher rank and have gone to college for me to make an exception... if they are out of the military and finished college then that is okay (I know it gets complicated!)

6.  They have a creepy/weird screen name: no I do not want to ever interact with you, "Girlfriendinacoma" guy! (real screen name)

Instant Blocking:

1. they send me an explicit message or they try to message me more than 3 times in a week



So I will probably add to this later as I think of more

ta-ta for now

I'm Sexy and I Know it

So I felt pretty good about having two dates within a week and half of creating my OKcupid account and the messages were coming in like waves.  Not going to lie I felt like I was a pretty big deal when it came to online dating.  Laura agreed as we sifted through at least five new messages a day.

But how did I really know how well I was doing at online dating?  Is online dating something you can really be good at?

Well actually yes it is.  In fact I have proof that some online daters are better than others... well at least proof that I am a superior online dater.

Think I'm sounding a bit overconfident?  Just look at this e-mail I received from OKcupid site admins themselves!

So basically yes I am hot stuff online and I even have proof of it.

But also, it says I will now see more attractive people.  Does that imply that before I was seeing only ugly people?  It is like I was on the B team and seeing other B team members but now I am part of the A team and can see the real elite OKcupid members?!

And yes I am proud of my online dating accomplishments but then I suddenly realize 'wait I'm feeling good about being popular among other online creeps like myself? I really need to re-evaluate my life.'

But overall, I know you are all jealous and don't think they send this e-mail out to just any old desperate online dater, because they don't I've asked.  Now do I put this kind of accomplishment on my resume?  And does this just further support the idea that maybe I'm better online? hmmmm when did Okcupid cause so many thought-provoking questions.  I should probably get my PhD in online dating and teach a cool class about to college kids... perfect plan!

TA Man

    Well haven't heard from Starburst guy since our date and let's just say I'm not too heartbroken about it.  Although, I can't help but wonder why he didn't contact me again; am I also more funny and charming online than in real life?!  Well, I had to obviously make sure this wasn't the case and luckily I had a whole inbox of test subjects just waiting to take me on dates!
    So, Laura and I discussed my prospects and decided that a few were worth replying to.  In particular there was a scruffy surfer dude that looked promising.  My friends at work deemed him "the TA."  And no, he was/is not a TA they just were convinced that he looked like one, I think it was the beard and pull-over zipper front sweater in his pic.
   TA guy and I get into a nice messaging conversation and within four messages he has asked to meet up.     He rings me on a Thursday around 5 as he is driving home from work and asks if I would like to go for a beach walk.  Now this is a Thursday around 5 during February so it pretty much gets dark in 20 minutes, so I instantly think, 'shit this guy is going to kill me on the beach, perfect!' So I casually suggest we meet at a well-lit beach access close to the shops of the 101.  He agrees and my second OKcupid adventure begins!
    I always have trouble figuring out what to wear for beach walk dates.  I mean do I wear my running shoes and workout apparel to let him know that I really just want to get some cardio in?  Or do I wear my bathing suit and a sundress and sandals so I can look cute and beachy like in the movies even though it is freezing out?!  So I opted for leggings, a simple shirt, jacket, and uggs... it screams I'm kind of beachy but really I just want to be warm.
   So looking as cute as I am gonna get on a Thursday night I drive to meet him at said beach access.  I pull up and see a figure sitting alone on a bench right under the street light so I figure well that's my guy at least it is well lit.  I venture closer and we give each other the once over before embracing in an awkward nice to meet you hug (they really are the worst!).
    I mention that pretty much no one is on the beach and it is dark out so why don't we walk along the 101 by the restaurants and shoppes; in other words 'let's go where there are other people to act as witnesses if need be.'
    We wander the 101 and finally come to the end of the main shop strip where we go to a random sushi joint.  We have a nice dinner and he pays.  The whole evening has been pleasant so far, he tells me about his job we discuss certain similarities, you know the usual.

    SIDEBAR:  It is really crucial not to divulge too much info when messaging online or to ask them too many questions either because then once you actually meet you have placed yourself in an instant first date disaster: you have nothing to talk about!  You have to make sure there is still enough of the 'o so you work at blah blah and yeah I totally love climbing small hills as well!'  Otherwise you are A. stuck rehashing information you should in theory already know about the person or B. discussing religion and politics which is just never a good idea or C. in awkward, this was a bad idea silence.

So back to TA man and me walking back from dinner he slyly puts his arm around me and i allow this as we stroll back to my car where he gives me a kiss good bye.  O but wait before we get to my car he insists on stopping in at this pizza place so he can get a slice to take for lunch tomorrow... just a bit random.  We get back to my car and he lets it be known that the college boy in him his not completely gone... well i was just like o shit how do i behave like a lady?!

well i did my best and after a rather heated make-out session we said good-bye

successful first date if i do say so myself...  we had a lot of commonalities and similar outlooks so I saw a future date or two or five in our future... yet his scruffy mountain man aura was a bit much for me so not sure I feel about that... I do like the cleaner type although I once dated a homeless ginger... but that is another issue completely

so stay tuned to see how TA man and I work out.... danananananana!

I lost my OKcupid virginity!

   Let's just say I made quite the splash on OKcupid and in less than a week I had my first date lined up.  We will call this gentleman Starbursts Guy for reasons that will become clear.  I was going through my inbox when I stumbled upon a witty message which ended in 'your move carebear.'  Things I love: challenges and when people I just meet call me carebear.  Basically, he had me at good-bye.  So he cleared the first hurtle of sending a charming yet witty message.  Next, the profile check.  You have to see if the same wit conveyed in their message is also present in their profile or if they somehow just got lucky with a random one-liner.  Well i read his profile and I must admit I even LOLed.  I know, it was pretty crazy.  So check on cool message, check on awesome profile, now to look at the quick stats.  The quick stats for me are: age, height, kids, and occupation.  He passed all of those with flying colors and it was on to the last step, the picture.  This can be rather tricky as I don't want to come across as shallow but then again I am and I just have to sometimes judge a book by its cover.  So I checked his pics and he look like he was a good-looking dude so I said to myself, 'this may just be a diamond in the OKcupid rough!'  and I messaged him back.  We message for a couple days and then he asked me the deal breaking question, what was my favorite starburst flavor... that's when I knew he was date-worthy.
   So you may be wondering how you go from just messaging to hey let's awkwardly meet each other in person and hope we are as hot as we look in our pictures.  Well basically, someone asks for the other's number and then suggests to meet up.  Well he did that and I said yes so we planned to meet at a local bar on a Wednesday night.  I include that it was Wednesday to bring up the fact that this was a very casual meet up.  It is kind of like a half-way date I suppose.
    So the evening comes and I am sitting in my car outside the bar thinking, 'o shit this is going to be weird.'  I quickly review our messages (a must given that you do not want to confuse conversation with another person with the person you are on the date with!) and his pics so I can try to recognize him instead of walking around the place like a lost puppy.  I walk in and luckily it is uncrowded and I spot him right away.  We say hello and have an awkward hug and sit down at a table.  He has a beer already and I order a water.  Sidebar: I am not currently drinking so it really just ups the whole awkward factor which is rather awesome... really facing the fear of meeting others head-on.
    Well, I must say I didn't quite know what to expect but I did have somewhat high expectations when it came to his funny factor.  His messages were hilarious and I hoped that would transpire into verbal conversation.  Well the fact that we were on an awkward first meeting was probably a hindrance on the funny factor and that he is a writer so one who can write witty can't always talk witty.  But he was a bit humorous just not as much as I had dreamed of.
     So as we sat I tried to think of interesting things to converse about and then I wondered,' do we bring up the whole we met on an online dating website thing or not?'  Shit why had I not consulted Laura about this?! Well just as I was about to excuse myself to go call Laura in the bathroom, he asked me simply, "so is this your first time?"  omg it was like he could tell I was an OKcupid virgin!  So that launched into a whole conversation about his past experiences on OKcupid which I found quite entertaining.  He had been on a handful of dates over the past two years but none had really transpired to much more than a few months worth of hanging out.
    The date crept on and I found myself yawning and staring blankly at the mounted tv screen playing some sports game.  I do go to bed freakishly early so I figured my boredom/tiredness was due to my inability to stay up past 10 on weeknights as opposed to the signs of a failing date.  So We wrapped up the night and he walked me to my car.  Of course on the walk to the car that little voice in my head was thinking what every person thinks after a first date, shit are we going to kiss good-bye?  There should really be a rule for how to end dates like these like ok one the first date you give a high-five good-bye then the second you pound it and on the third you hug, etc.  But there is no such rule book so I had to think to myself the proper etiquette.  I decided the date went well but that there was not an outpouring of chemistry or affection so a casual hug would be best.  Luckily he felt similar or so I assume since we hugged it out at the end and waved good-bye.
    Overall, the date was pleasant yet the chemistry was not present.  Driving home there was a strange feeling of accomplishment that I had branched out and done something fun and random yet also a feeling of let-down that the person I was so attracted to online was not quite the same person in reality.  I suppose that is the problem with online dating, it allows you to attribute certain qualities and traits to a person since you only have a few pictures and message to go off of.  So my first internet date with Starburst Guy was pleasant yet left me wanting to find a guy who could bring those colorful, witty written messages to life.  Probably would have been best if we had just remained pen pals.

TIme Crunch

So I have totally been slacking on this whole "becoming a blogger thing" but that is just because I spend way too much time lurking on OKcupid instead of writing about it and the fact that I am just lazy(but that is a whole other story).  But actually online dating is proving to be quite a formidable task and rather time consuming!  Who would have thought?!  I swore Laura told me online dating would make everything quick and easy but I guess that really is what she said as opposed to what actually has happened.

So yes online dating is time consuming as there are many steps to be a successful online dater which I am (I have even received an e-mail from OKcupid stating so much but that is for another post).  If you are considering online dating I strongly suggest to enlist a trusted friend as your profile manager.  Someone who knows what you are all about and can quickly weed out the weirdos.  Or you can just hire Laura and I to do it for you as we are excellent at it.

But yes, so online dating is time consuming for the following reasons:

1. The Written Profile: and no you cannot just sign in with Facebook and use that profile.  This is important!  You have to create a profile that describes you and attracts your ideal mate!  One must strike a fine balance between cute and funny and just trying to hard.  Some questions you might face when writing about yourself: How much do I want these strangers to know about me?  How do I make myself sound accomplished but not pretentious?  Will be judge my spelling? (the answer is yes)

2.  The Sexy yet Sophisticated Picture: along with writing about yourself you also have to upload pictures!  So not only do you have to trick people into thinking you are awesome you also have to make them think you are somewhat attractive!  The pressure really starts to mount and you begin to question why you got into this whole online dating thing in the first place!  But don't worry just upload a few pics because OKcupid has your back and has created a convenient app that tells you which picture will get you the most dates! They really are so thoughtful...

3. Reaching Out:  now this is a question for people to consider: do you want to be the initiator of a message or do you want to sit back and wait for the masses to write to you?  Which really brings up the question of because you are so 21st century and dating online does this mean the age old traditions of males initiating relationships are thrown out the window??  It is quite confusing so this will at least take you an hour just to wrap your head around.

4. Reply to Messages:  So once you start getting messages you have to weed through all the characters that think you are awesome and decide who should receive reply messages.  At first this is fun, but then it can be a bit overwhelming as more and more messages begin to build up.  But I have a few quick guidelines to share with you all to help you weed threw your potential suitors.  Also this is really where your profile manager comes into action, helping to quickly delete those men/women that fall into the "no way jose" category.

So those are the major steps of online dating which to the unexperienced person may seem easy but really take quite a bit of effort.  You are trying to find your soulmate here so maybe you should put some time into it, right?


Disclaimer:  read most of these sentences with a snide, sarcastic tone.  Also, I know I need to get my blog act together so I don't post more sucky entries I apologize but the next one will be awesome!

On Being a Safety Kid

So before I forget, to allay the fears of the masses I want to address the safety of my online dating adventure.  Since I can remember my parents have always told me whenever I left the nest, "be a safety kid!"  Well their constant advice as paid off for I am a safety kid and darn proud of it!
 
That being said, Laura, my profile manager, has already agreed to show up at all my dates and sit at a table a few feet away and act as a quick escape if necessary.  Also, I am not a complete idiot so I know not to meet these new suitors in dark alley ways, deserted parks, or unknown houses.  So all dates will consist of me meeting them in a public location.  I just thought perhaps I shall purchase some pepper spray as an added precaution and just a fun thing to say I have. Hmmm... the extremes of safety.

So always Be a Safety Kid!

       It is my one week anniversary.  With who you may ask, well it is more appropriate to say with what?  Online dating, OKCupid to be specific.  One week ago I took the plunge into the world of cyber courtship by making a profile on the online dating site, OKCupid.  Now why did I pass up the greatness of Match.com or eHarmony.com you may ask(those sites at least have commercials so they must attract some winners right?), well simply out OKCupid offers the same wide array of eligible and not so eligible bachelors for FREE.  And with the budget of a 24-year-old, free is always a good thing.  Also, I will know the people I meet on this site also can spot a deal when they see one!  Paying for online dating is for people over the age of 35, us young things need to save our funds so we actually have money to spend on the dates we acquire.
     But yes, that aside I made myself a profile and desperately tried to make myself seem as desirable as possible.  I tried to make my profile scream 'this girl is witty and smart and o yeah she's attractive too(just check out those pics).  So I made a few jokes in my profile, uploaded some pics from Facebook and bam I was available to the world for online courtship.
    I must give credit to my dear friend Laura who may have been the one that actually signed me up and insisted I use the screen name OKCupid suggested, Carebearinabox.  She is also my dedicated profile manager, helping me to sift through the initial onslaught of messages to weed out the people I deemed incompatible(more on just what that means later).  So to her I owe so much, and I usually like to tell her all my commentary on this subject but she hasn't yet agreed to be my personal typist and write down everything I say so I will be writing this blog in order to relieve her from some of my jabbering.  And now she can not only listen to me talk about my OKCupid adventures but also read about them alongside all of you. (She is really so lucky!)
     I must admit, although it has only been a week there has been so much action!  It's exciting, overwhelming, and just plain hilarious all at once.  I've received dozens of messages, even one from a female fan, been on one date, and even have a wager resting on a game of WordsWithFriends.  So hold on to your seat belts, it's gonna be a wild ride!